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I found a hack that was even more enjoyable. Sex Machina is a new and very personal column exploring the intersections of sex, romance, and technology. Next, I went to the O-Cast website, where you're able to lick a pattern on the screen that you'd like to be applied on your vagina. Plus, tongues are able to hit different spots with more precision—and using more precisely varying pressures—than a device ever could, at least in O-Cast , a product unveiled earlier in March, allows people with a Lovense Bluetooth Lush vibrator which was not designed with oral in mind to lick their iPhones in the exact pattern they want their vibrator to "lick," or move, on their clitoris. For a flexibility perspective, I can't touch my tongue to my knee, even after a minute stretching warm-up. This device doesn't render human tongues completely obsolete, as there's a distinctly pleasurable mouth moisture that a vibrator can't quite replicate, even if you slather it in the lube that comes with it. If I were to have kids in ten years, or even right now, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't make it, whether because they eventually suffocated under a build-up of polar bear corpses or because they played themselves in a nuclear "my bad"-type scenario. Having read at least 30 stories over the years about how our phones are covered in poop—just absolutely littered with feces—I took a few minutes to scrub my screen with hand sanitizer, making sure the liquid didn't get into any of the cracks. Then I connected my minute-long tongue pattern to my device through the Lovense Body Chat app, which lets you upload your saved patterns as well as access other people's patterns, including those developed by porn stars. For everyone worried about robots usurping humans in life and love —a legitimate concern when all of my vibrators make me come, minimum, five times faster than with a human—we're not quite there on the cunnilingus front

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Description: These sequences can be five seconds or five minutes—it's totally up to you. When I first read about the app, which describes itself as the " iTunes of cunnilingus ," I sorted the news into the Progress No One Asked For file and went about my day, masturbating with my preferred devices while making eye contact with the cardboard cutout of Drake propped behind my bed. You can record a pattern on the Lovense wearables app—which, like the O-Cast feature, also responded to a tongue, I found, though it was designed for a finger— while the thing is inside of you. It turns out the technology is already there. Having read at least 30 stories over the years about how our phones are covered in poop—just absolutely littered with feces—I took a few minutes to scrub my screen with hand sanitizer, making sure the liquid didn't get into any of the cracks. Then I connected my minute-long tongue pattern to my device through the Lovense Body Chat app, which lets you upload your saved patterns as well as access other people's patterns, including those developed by porn stars. Would my self-oral be better than oral from guys. Orchestrating the exact right tempo with a human down there can be trickier. So I was able to I lick in a sequence and feel that exact sequence on my vagina, in real time. Get your horoscope in your inbox, every day. Never miss a Mercury retrograde again. Preparing to self-administer oral sex would be a devastating way to break a phone. Sex Machina is a new and very personal column exploring the intersections of sex, romance, and technology.
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